Note for my 28th birthday

The years go by,

my youth  gone by,

a ripe apple falls down on my head is not about Gravity;

but is the rotten flesh.

歲月流逝
我的青春也是
那顆成熟的蘋果打在我的頭上，思考的不是重力；
卻是腐爛的肉。

Drudkh-Downfall of the Epoch

Drudkh, from Ukraine. (This song from: Handful of Star, 2010)

《short 》A Dream of Me Dismembered.

No one knew this person was how good at making plans. And I had no idea why I was on his operating table. I knew it was all started from my face, I still kept my eyes on my face. I saw he was very  very exciting about it and looking at me, he held a scalpel with another hand touched my face lightly. I knew he was measuring how much he needed of my skin. Then he started did this: cut  off my face. I didn't feel any pain and quite enjoy it. Drowned in his beautiful face which was full of happiness. Oh, by the way, he had blue eyes.

Now, my face's skin had been cut off and put in a plate near by me. He was planing the next step:  took my eyes away. He was thinking which way was better, drill or dig? I didn't give him too much time for consideration, I jumped up and screamed, ran around the room. Who knew how he was good at making plans? He couldn't control the situation and said he wouldn't take my eyes. I said: "Please let me keep my eyes, my brain and my mouth; let me see it, let me think and talk."  Others you could take away if you want. 

Yet I saw him wasn't happy to all of this.
And I thought he was so greedy.

The Name of The Rose

A Trip of bargaining in U.S.- Mexico Border

Original post on June 15, 2007 in Chinese.

First time I went to U.S.A. was at 17 years old. Me and my father were going to see my brother. He was there for Ph.D studied. We met together in California, he took plane from Iowa, but before we met, my dad and I planned to join a local tour that arranged by my cousin. We were heading to southern of C.A. and the last day of the trip, we were in U.S.- Mexico border.

Animals

Sometimes animals were just too cute to harm them.

Elk

Sloth

And sometimes they just make you laugh even they didn't do any stupid things......

Forest of Shadows/ Selfdestructive

Forest of Shadows/ The six waves of woe (Album)

[Music written by Niclas Frohagen 2006] 

[Arranged by Niclas Frohagen 2007-2008] 

[Lyrics written by Niclas Frohagen 2007]

(Translate the lyrics for just it matches my feelings about these days. )

Listen, to the sound of falling 

The decline of a beautiful yesterday 

Spiraling down a pitch black forever 

Into the essence of your desperate idea 

A creation of a weary and exhausted mind 

Feeding upon its own poisoned fruits 

And craving for our final decline 

To let go and be pulled beneath 

Can you hear it, the lamenting river 

The river that has whispered our names 

Once i stared into its cold black eye 

As if tomorrow would never come 

Sometimes i wonder if you do the same 

If you yearn for that deadly kiss 

Wanting to escape your plaguing burden 

And reach out for a moment of peace 

I never thought it would come to this 

That we would end up in this weary state 

Like shades of a forgotten eden 

In constant denial of all that was us 

Killing ourselves to live a lie 

Killing ourselves without knowing why 

Searching for peace but finding pain 

We are suffering from selfish ambitions

---------------------------------------

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聽，那殞落的聲音......

昨日一場美麗的衰退......

盤旋而下永無止境的漆黑，

進入你那絕望想法的精髓，

厭倦、乍乾的心靈，

正被自己的毒果滋養著......

我們熱切渴望最終的衰敗......

放手，然後埋藏在地底之下。

你是否能聽見？悲鳴的河流......

那河已在低吟我們的名字，

我曾凝望祂冷冽的眼，好像我以後將不會再來。

有時候我好奇你是否也會這麼做，

是否你渴求那致命的親吻，

想要逃離瘟疫般的重擔，抓住一刻平靜......

我從來不曾想過最後會變成這樣，

必須在這種令人煩悶的狀態下結束，

如同陰影籠罩已遺忘的伊甸，
一如以往的拒絕我們，
我們精疲力竭的活在一個謊言裡，
我們精疲力竭的追尋卻無法得知，
為了尋求平靜卻找到痛苦，
我們都為自私的企圖受苦。

Lady GaGa: "Poker Face" performance collection.

Christopher Walken, lyrics reading.

Well, it ain't performanced by Lady GaGa herself, but since she is very HOT so many people like to use her music doing something......or make jokes. I like Christopher Walken's voice, he used to read Allan Poe's "The Raven", who sounded was really......cold and creepy. But in reading to "Poker Face", that was very funny when you listened to it. The another clip is U.S. skater: Johnny Weir, he's using "Poker Face" for the music of performance. Gee, look at his perfect body line...... amazing, HAHA!

Johnny Weir, figure skating.

Nokturnal Mortum, 2009 new work: "The Voice of Steel".

Nokturnal Mortum, 2009, "The Voice of Steel" (The same title song)

Well, such long time that I'd been waiting for 4 years. Nokturnal Mortum is still producing terrific stuff. Therefor it worth me to spend such time for waiting......and I have added this to my CD buy list.

Nokturnal Mortum's sense of Nazism is more advanced in this album; since the cover of CD and some titles of songs  regarded to Nordic Mythology. There is one of thoughts in Nazism is "return to the faith of ancient Germanic myth"._{( which are Nordic Mythology and Rune)} That's the reason that I think NM is still so NSBM.

Unlike their previous work: "Nechrist", that was really obviously a Nazism sense and quite shallow one. (But I like this album so much!) "The voice of steel" is better, but still you can find some ideas that inherited from "Nechrist". And in the guitars' performance, I think they have merged rock 'n roll solo and speed metal style's riff in their black metal sense. That is a creativity.

Some recording problems in "Nechrist" that has been solved in "The Voice of Steel". The guitar tones in "Nehrist" were always very loud, sometimes was going too crazy and made the whole song ending of a sudden. (When they played jam.) But in this album, bass guitar and keyboard are more important for holding the song not to be too crazy. Even if they still played jam in some of  songs. This is another point that I like this album. Until I got this album,  I am very eager to see their live concert.

The fourth song: "Україна (Ukraine)", that is quite different style from usual Nokturnal Mortum. Since the song sounds like "Speed metal" format. Well, That's cool.

My favorite songs are: Valkyrie, Моєї Мрії Острови (My Dream Islands) and White Tower.

"Valkyrie"

My Childhood. (2)

• Falco

From my childhood, this is one of my favorite singer. First time I knew him was my brother told me and gave me CDs. He said: "His voice is awesome!" And YES! I love his voice so much. I can recall that whole summer in when I was 14. I always listened to Falco's songs: Jeanny I, Jeanny II, Rock me Amerdeus, Out of the Dark, Vienna Calling......etc. One day, I went out for buying Chocolate, I heard the news reported that: "Falco was dead by a severe car accident." in the store. Then I thought: Gee, was that Falco? the singer? I went to the counter for paying money and watching TV to make sure of the news. It was him. So, one of my idols die. I told to my brother about this, he said: "well, what a  pitty, but at least we own 2 his albums!"

Falco/ Out of the Dark

ps: This clip include the photos of the car accident, he was hit by a bus at very high speed.

Nothing inspires me.

Have read some articles lately, but nothing comes into my head. That's so frustrated. But what else I can do? I am ignoring those topics temporary now, and start reading some other stuff. Otherwise I'll be crazy if I am still sticking in the same circle.

I will be back. Now I am just a bit tired.

Sometimes I think, to be a woman like Leslie Winkle probably makes life easier.

A note

When I hadn't graduated from grad-school, I plan a study project for the next step. It's started this year.  

• Chaos Theory
• Fractal
• Cubic Spline

That's the 3 topics I am interesting in.

Butterfly Curve

Yesterday, I was so boring and just finished the work assigned from professor. Surfed the internet and found out this beautiful equations on Wikipedia; then I used Matlab to write the codes........It is beautiful, isn't it? Amazing sine, cosine and exponential !

This is Butterfly Curve, made by 2 parameter equations:
x = sin (t)(e^{cos (t)}-2cos (4t)-sin⁵ (t/12))

y = cos (t)(e^{cos (t)}-2cos (4t)-sin⁵ (t/12))

or by polar equation:

r = e^sinθ-2cos (4θ)+sinθ⁵ (2θ- π/24)

The right side is "Heart Curve", just add some scalars on equations then you can get this beautiful picture.

Ps: Parameter "t", I used t= 20π generated 20000 points.

Forest of Shadows/ Wish, Submission

from album: Where dreams turn to dust (2001)　

　

Forest of Shadows, another depressive doom metal band I like. Unlike "Warning" from U.K., "Forest of Shadows" performs the feelings of extremely sadness, lost hoping and grief in their rhythms. "Warning" uses the vocal instead, while their music is more like "old school" doom metal style. When I listen to F.O.S., I think there includes some senses of awe to Nature.

from album: Six Waves of Woe (2008)

Blind Guardian/ Dead Winter Reigns

Blind Guardian, they have an album called: "Night fall in the Middle-earth" was a tribute to LOTR. This is my favorite album, because once I was a big fan of LOTR, and also a speed metal head.When I was getting deeper in metal music, I found there are many tribute bands of LOTR (mostly, I focus on black metal's part), such as: Burzum, Summoning......etc. They also got the ispiration from Nordic Mythology, you can find it from their many works.

Ps: Even now I stop reading LOTR's novel, I am still sometimes listen to those tribute CDs.

Uaral/ Depression

This is one of my favorite bands from Chile. Their style is doom/ depressive metal (I am not sure if my classification is correct.) But it's not the point. Listen to music is.......

Some Dramas I've watched lately

I've seen many dramas lately, some were made me cried, some laughed and some warmed my heart.

Seen "The Reader", cried out loud.
For one part of the movie, main actress trying hard learning reading for her lover. My tears to her with positive feelings, I was happy for her. Although it's not a happy ending.

Seen "Beautiful Mind", I was also cried for the role of John Nash.
Cried for him stuck in the bottle of neck about his research, recalled that I ever suffered as the same situations. Cried for the same feelings, cried for the same reasons.

Seen "The Legend of Eileen Chang", my sadness for her late life, loneliness. And also for feeling unfair comments upon Eileen Chang's characters by other people.

Was her late life exactly such miserable as the drama showed it?

How colorful of her life she ever had..........

At work these 2 days

Did I say about the environment of my working place?

It's totally ...... A MESS! because I am in an engineering building. Not in Electrical one, it's mechanism engineering. You probably know this kind of place looking like somewhere factory. But still, they call this is lab. No one is putting a white clothes on, big machines are everywhere and are all for cutting metal materials. Machines' oil leaking on the ground, smell very bad.

And, no female grad-students. I am the only female in this lab but I am a research assistant.

Well, that's okay for me. Since I was in grad-school I had no female lab mates for 1 year and have been use to it.

People here are all nice to me, although the place isn't very clean but the research topic is exactly what I am interested. (Detection of noise signal)